matthias replaces judas

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“As you did warn me carpenter, this world has weakened my heart

So easily I disparage, self-seeking the work of my art”

Every person feels the pain of rejection at some point. There are varying degrees of it, but I would say we’ve all been there. It hurts.

For me, it was the college rejection letter. It was the people I thought would be there when I was in the hospital back in 2012. And who still weren’t there when I got out. It was the friends who disassociated and went so far as to untag themselves from every picture with me after my manic episode in 2013. Or who wouldn’t reply to my apology- in my useless attempts to pick up the broken pieces. It was the room of about 20 people, dodging eye-contact and refusing to acknowledge my presence, even though I once knew almost all of them. It was the look of “you’re not wanted here.”

When I thought this weekend about all of the times I’ve felt rejected in my life, it made me angry, disheartened, confused… and then it made me think of something else.

It made me think of those that I have unknowingly or even willingly rejected.

The most important one being my own savior, Jesus Christ.

How many times have I turned my back on Him? How many times have I chosen myself and what I want to do over His ways for me? Too many to count. Every single day in fact.

We are born into selfishness. I go against the popular belief that humans are mostly good. If humans were mostly good, our world would not look the way it does. Sin wants power. It wants corruption and manipulation. It wants us to think that we are better than everyone else. We don’t have to teach children to be selfish. Did someone tell all the toddlers, “when someone holds your toy car, strip it away screeching and shouting ‘Mine!'” No, they just do it.

Selfishness is in our nature. We won’t claim our savior until we realize our sin – and until we find out just how dark our hearts are. I think of the crucifixion- We may not have physically been there, but it is the human condition that placed the nails in His hands.

We may feel often betrayed or rejected. But we are all the betrayers.

“Where do You find the love to offer he who betrays You?
And offer to wash my feet as I offer to disobey You
Your beauty does bereave me, and how my words do fail
So faithfully and dutifully I award You with betrayal.”

But that’s where the greatest news comes into play. That even in our ugliest hours, God loved all of us so much that He gave His son to die the most brutal death on our behalf.

“He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed.” – 1 Peter 2:24

Deuteronomy 31:6 says, “the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” In other words, He will never reject you. His love for you is not conditional or performance based. He wants you as you are. He will never be embarrassed of You.

Actually, He is proud of you. He has made promises to You before you even came to be. He loves you without bounds.

⇒”For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39

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In the same way, let’s try to love people because Christ loved us first, even when we were deemed completely unlovable by the world’s standards.

Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” 

The ability to forgive and the ability to love… these are the things that I will be praying for for myself. Thank you Jesus for Your perfect display of these ideals towards me, even though I am undeserving.

“By me You were abandoned, by me You were betrayed
Yet in Your arms and in Your heart forever I have stayed
Your glory illuminates my life, no darkness will descend
For You’ve loved me forever, and Your love will never end.” -Showbread

XO- Laura

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