salt

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Stuck inside of the wrong frame
I don’t feel attached to this name
My body, I must reclaim
With different eyes and no shame – Salt; Bad Suns

Salt. Lithium salts, actually, is what I use to treat my bipolar disorder. Lithium, or “Li” on the periodic table, was discovered in 1800 by a Brazilian chemist in a mine in Sweden. It is an alkali metal.

Also, I absolutely hate taking it.

It has given me acne that I never had before.  It’s made me gain weight, then lose weight, then gain, then lose. It makes my mouth constantly dry, hence why I’m always drinking water and carrying it with me everywhere. Dehydration can lead to lithium toxicity, which means I have to be very careful with alcohol. The medicine makes my body stiff and ache. I often lose my appetite. It gives me weird headaches. It makes my hands tremor sometimes. I get nauseous. I get tired. It leaves a faint metal taste in my mouth.

I have to excuse myself from class often because I don’t feel well a lot of the time during the day. I get blood drawn every couple months to regulate the lithium levels in my body. This tells me if the medicine is in a therapeutic range or if I need to adjust the dosage. It can also help predict a manic episode before it even happens, which I think is kinda cool.

I found all the other medications I’ve tried to cause even worse symptoms. They would make me a zombie- unable to do much of anything.

Once again, I hate taking my medicine. It’s an inconvenience and it makes me feel sick.

It has also helped saved my life.

I don’t want to know where I would be if I didn’t have the aid of medications throughout the years. They have taken me out of mania. They stopped my psychosis. They alleviated my depression.

It amuses me when people suggest that maybe I should just take a more “holistic approach.”

Here’s some things one should know:

Yoga and pilates can’t manage a bipolar person’s symptoms (lol). Running can’t either. Healthy/ clean eating will not stop the disorder.

Bipolar disorder is an illness. The things that keep us healthy are not the same as the things that keep the general population healthy.  Though these are also important and useful, they are not the cure (and actually, as I’ve mentioned before, Bipolar isn’t curable anyways, it’s lifelong). When you suggest these methods it seems as though you’re suggesting that my disorder is all in my head- which I can assure you is not the case.

For some reason, some churches frown upon taking medication for mental illnesses.  Even more disturbing, there are actually people who hold onto the belief that “if you would just have more faith” or “Oh.. so what sin is in her life that she needs to eradicate in order to be healed?” I’m sorry but that type of ignorance is blissful and also laughable. You must mean well I’m sure.

I’m thankful that God gave humans the intelligence to discover different medicines. I fully believe we were meant to use the resources given to us if for the right purposes.

To say that God is against medicine is illogical. He is the ultimate doctor, and could heal any one of us if He chose to in an instant. But in this world with our limited understanding, He has allowed us to find remedies for some of our pain. I think that’s amazing. While I have asked God, “Why?” I know that He is orchestrating things that I can’t see or comprehend yet.

So, here’s to my medicine…I hate you but I love you.

“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” –Romans 5:3-5

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” –Romans 8:18

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” –2 Corinthians 4:16-17

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” –2 Corinthians 12:8-10

XO- Laura

2 thoughts on “salt”

  1. I love those verses at the end! Would give you three references I keep near me always as they help me: 2 Corinthians 12:8-10, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, and (you know this one) John 16:33. Love you, Laura!

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